Presque La Fin

So this last week was my last week of class before vacation. I have 6 more days of teaching left. This week I also started the process of ending contracts & whatnot. Called Neuf (internet/phone) and found out what all to do (send in a letter, and return the Neuf box via certified mail). Went to EDF (electricity) and asked about ending my contract (go read the meter, and take in the final number to them to calculate my final bill). And (ugh), went to the bank to find out about closing my bank account. My conseiller is nice enough but always talks to damn fast and throws WAY too much info at me at once. I just wanted to stop my automatic rent payments and find out how to officially close my account when all transactions have gone through. I was scared that if I said I were going back to the US she would insist I close the account right then & there (which I can't, since I've still got some bills to pay and need to get my security deposit back), so I lied and said I didn't know when I was going back. Now all I have left to do is meet with my landlord and return the keys/get my security deposit back. I am hoping he will give it to me before I leave so I won't have to worry about it.

I am so ready to go home!!! Less than 4 weeks til I am back in the US of A. I know I will miss France, and all my friends here, so much when I leave but I have been so homesick for quite a while now; in fact, I don't think it ever went away. When I studied abroad, the homesickness was there but disapated eventually, and I was generally very happy. I haven't felt genuinely "happy" here. The other assistants and my new friends are great but we don't have the same connection as I had with the girls in Le Mans. I've also had to deal with the stressful things like finding an apartment, getting my CDS, and being sick-- all things I didn't have to deal with last time. It really wears on a girl.

I've also been experiencing an onslaught of anxiety/panic attacks in the last few months. I don't know if it's related to depression, or the lack of sunshine (seriously, I have not seen the sunshine since Prague!) or what. I have noticed that the anxiety and depression tend to coincide with heavy drinking. I've been drinking a LOT lately, and need to cut back. And my attempts at quitting smoking have mostly been in vain. As Jess pointed out, now is probably not the best time in my life for me to successfully quit, as I'm down enough. And I've been sick pretty much since I got to France, with a recurring cold/sinus infection popping up from time to time. In Paris a couple of weeks ago the cold (or maybe allergies) were really hitting me hard, and the inside of my nose is still so sore and irritated. I never get allergies, but I seem to remember getting them quite badly around this time of year in Le Mans too. I've also been biting my nails again, which I haven't done in a couple of years.

Not to mention I've been away for pretty much my entire engagement, which has been so hard. We got engaged 2 weeks before I left for France, and I'll be home for about the same time before we get married. No getting to enjoy being engaged together, no engagement party, no bridal shower, heck Jess and I both have been scrambling to squeeze in bachelor(ette) parties! And I hate that I missed my sister's bridal shower and wedding dinner. I am slightly resentful that she couldn't have waited just a couple more months (she had originally said they'd be engaged for like 2 years!), and that they *have* to have their reception like, as soon as I get back. So I'll be jet-lagged, rushed, stressed, with a thousand things to do for my own wedding, yet I still very much want to be involved.

At least I have Bulgaria to look forward to. That will make time go by faster. And after I get back I'll be so busy with packing and cleaning and whatnot... I guess I'm just antsy knowing the end is so close.

OK! This post is awfully depressing-- sorry, readers! Time to perk up. I'm waiting to hear from Mike about hitting up the museum (it's free on the first Sunday of the month). Then only 3 days til I leave for Bulgaria. I still need to do laundry, pack, and pick up some gifts for Steve & Kristina's kids.

Smile, Nikki, smile!!! :)