Pensees Randonnees...

My financial situation is basically at rock bottom. Like, I will be living off baguettes until my next paycheck. I take sole responsibility for not managing my finances better (I've always been shit with money), and I absolutely do not regret any of my splurges while Jess was here, but the next few weeks will be stressful as all heck. Basically my CB is off-limits until February, which sucks considering the sales just started and everywhere I look I am taunted with "Reduction de 50%!" signs.

On the bright side, I'm expecting a couple small reimbursements: one from the secu sociale for my medicines from last month (I already got the reimbursement from the dr visit, and I sent the forms in together), and one from CAF. Since I finally got my carte de sejour, my application with them is now complete and they can start calculating how much to give me. One assistant here got almost 200E/month for her 300E rent. My rent is less, and I'm older which will probably hurt me, but still... even 20E would be very much appreciated. No idea how long it will take them to process it though. Keep your fingers crossed for me :)

On another bright note, due in part to the France smoking ban (which has, to my surprise, been very much enforced other than a few places in Paris) and due to Jess wanting to quit, I have decided to quit smoking. I have 2 cigs left in my last pack and after that, I am done. I am not allowed to buy another pack (well, in my aforementioned condition, I have no choice!), I am not allowed to bum them from people, nada. I started smoking regularly the last time I was in France because of a "can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality: every bar and cafe was smokey, the only way it was completely wretched for me was to smoke too. Then once I started dating a smoker, I saw little reason to quit. I enjoy smoking, but I can't use either of those two excuses anymore. I'm feeling good about life in general, and this will only add to it. But I apologize in advance if I end up mooching anyone's gum excessively; I'll need to satisfy the oral fixation somehow!

This marriage in France thing is starting to seem like more trouble than it's worth. The paperwork & translating of documents isn't so bad, especially since one of Jess' friends is a lawyer with an office in Paris, so maybe we could get some help there. The main problem is that the dossier says, in big bold letters, that BOTH people getting married must be present when the dossier is turned in. I'm trying to find a way around this-- surely they can't expect someone to come here from California just to hand over a pile of papers?!?! But then again, this is France, and I wouldn't put it past them.

My brother is coming to visit in March, so I need to make sure I have enough money saved for a weekend trip with him. We're thinking Prague, and I found flights for 100E which isn't terrible, and I've heard Prague is a fairly cheap city. We may spend a couple nights in Paris-- may have to set out feelers on the assistants boards and see if we can't find a place to stay for free. Not to mention I will have to suck it up and buy the inflatible bed thingie I saw at Carrefour. Expenses keep adding up...
And speaking of expenses, how the f-- am I going to afford Jess' wedding band, and my wedding dress, by May?! Keep in mind that I will also have to buy a plane ticket home at some point. That's a good $1,500 just with those 3 things. It's times like this that I am praying the Euro stays as strong as it has been ;)

I hope Jess can make it to London for February vacation. I know nobody will say that London is a cheap place, but with him there I don't have to pay for a hotel room or most meals. Plus, I get to see my boy, and that is priceless-- even if I had to pay for all expenses I wouldn't give up that chance! And if he doesn't make it to London during that time, I need to make some cheap vacation plans quick. I refuse to spend 2 weeks alone in Troyes. I'd go insane.

I don't mean to make this post sound like a bitchfest-- these things are worrying me to no end, but unlike most of last month, things don't seem bleak anymore. I know I'll make it, it's not like I have a choice after all. My rent is paid, my electricity is paid, I have internet and long distance calling (oh sh*t, I need to pay my FT bill still... FT please don't shut off my phone line!) I just washed all my clothes and I still have plenty of food in my kitchen. I won't be able to go out for meals or even for drinks maybe, but I am far from destitute. If it came down to that, I know there are people back home who could bail me out. But that's the easy way out, and there isn't much to gain from taking the easy way out. I take solace in having that thought in the back of my mind though-- that, and the fact that wine is so cheap here!